I feel, pointless..

i feel stuck. my life is on pause, because of certain circumstances. something in my heart just doesn't feel right. I pray, i ask God to guide me, give me the wisdom I need to move forward, the skill, the will. and its as if my faith is void. I know he hears me, he's working on my behalf, i just don't know how to receive what he's telling me to do. i fill like i'm taking up space, like i could easily be replaced. and i know thats not the case. everyone was made with a unique purpose in mind...but...what is mine? i sing, i write, i tell stories that may help someone, but...will it ever reach the right ear? i feel...dead....as if i'm just a walking spirit in limbo. you know, the space between heaven and hell...which i believe to be earth. i just feel like i'm running on a treadmill, with my goal a mile ahead of me, and i'll never reach it...because i'm on a treadmill....i'm running and running as fast as i can, but i'm not going anywhere. i even feel, worthless..in a financial sense...i depend on my parent to much. and, mary told me it was normal...granted i'm only 21 and am in the stage of becoming an adult. but i only half believe that. yes...i am in the stage of becoming an adult...however...i don't believe i should be so dependent on my parents. i've always been a fairly independent person, holding down multiple jobs at once. but when high school ended, i decided to put my all into following my dream of becoming a sing/song writer, that i lost grip of what it was like to have a "real job" as some of my close loved ones call it. i can only say to them...a 9-5 isn't for me..and i know, you have to start somewhere...i just don't know where or how to start. stuck...that feeling is the worst feeling to ever feel i believe.

and when your stuck, your vulnerable to any and everything. and if your vulnerable, thats a weakness, no one praises weakness, no praise or complements for what you are passionate about discourages you, being discouraged leads to feeling defeated...and when your defeated your hopeless...when your hopeless, you quit..and quitters.... quitters are pointless....